Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She even gives head with a lisp.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
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