im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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