I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
