he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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