Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
