i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
