They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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