Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i've created a new STD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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