if i died would you start the facebook group?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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