i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
