God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
