I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
