i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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