i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
