Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
