Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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