Me too!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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