The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
