he was CRYING into my vagina
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
