whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
