This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
