look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
