So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
