There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize