he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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