my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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