Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
