Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Im part way to drunk.
i believe in u and ur pee
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
