oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
