the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
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