i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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