Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
