Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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