Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
