just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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