i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
