I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
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