If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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