Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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