so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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