i think my tv is drunk
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Randomize
