Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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