so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Hippo gnu deer
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
