Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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