Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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