hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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