I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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