I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
