I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
