Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
