I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
