5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
