he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
