Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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