Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
