Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
