dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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