Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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