Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
