Who did Billy Mays play for?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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