I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
