drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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