I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
