when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
