she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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