At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
we made out on top of his cat.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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