im drinking this country out of the recession.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
