how can u be prego again
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Randomize
