I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
