I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me