new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.