I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA