i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
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You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
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I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"