Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect