A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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