4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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