remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
