just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
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