my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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