Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Randomize
